california dreaming

at the end of the pier, the ocean just goes on forever. it’s beautiful and dangerous and makes my heart race with a blur of emotions. and the sun sets here at 7:45 pm so i told you to meet me then, right at the end of beauty and danger.

i’ve spoken of you before to my friends, on a blog, to my mother and to the God you don’t believe in. but it was time to see you.

after two years of being taunted and teased with conversation and long-distance feelings, it was now or never.

and you weren’t responding to my text messages, so i did the next best thing that a corporate man like yourself abides by respectfully; i sent you an e-mail.

 

“dear so-and-so,

my text messages aren’t delivering so as cliche as it might sound, desperate times call for desperate measures.

“cliches are cliche because they work,” said some boy somewhere in the greater orange county area.

there is a chance that you blocked my number, which could have been due to your incapacity to connect with someone on a deep level when they are a thousand miles away, (or however you worded it)

or

your phone may be a piece of technological crap that likes to impede an ongoing friendship from across the united states of america by not delivering my textual messages.

whichever it may be, mr.so-and-so, i am letting you know that i will be in your vicinity in seven days. while i am nearly paralyzed with excitement to be back in my homeland, i am also anxious at the idea of grabbing dinner with a friend. that friend is you. i have no expectations other than seeing you again and hearing about your endeavors circa the day i left california up until now.

i know you live a tight schedule around the corporate clock and i don’t care to disrupt your climb. i do know that weekends are pretty relaxing and somewhat open for the 9-5er’s and i am willing to work with that. i will text/email a time and an exact address of the restaurant i will be waiting at on the evening of saturday the 30th. showing up would be the courteous thing to do and would make your friend very happy. standing your friend up would show a non-verballly understood termination of any further contact, correspondence or connection.

actions speak louder than words. another lackadaisical cliche. but, the oc boy was right; they work.

sincerely,

karli burghoff”

 

and you promptly responded with simplicity. “don’t worry, i’ve been keeping track of the days.”

i couldn’t wait to see you. i just wanted to spend time with you again. i initially withheld  from expecting anything romantic and stuck to the idea of friends getting together to catch up and grab a bite to eat.

friday night, i e-mailed the location and time.

saturday had arrived and i prepared myself physically and mentally. physically speaking, i picked an outfit, matched shoes, shaved my legs (because you just never know) and ate healthy all day so i would stray from feeling sluggish at our reunion. mentally speaking, i prepared for three situations; 1. we see each other and immediately feel nothing except friendship and just spend time catching up. 2. we see each other and immediately feel everything and spend time catching up but mostly getting caught up in each other. 3. we don’t see each other.

the time had come. i was ready. heart pounding. feeling beautiful, feeling dangerous. two years of wondering finally coming to an end. two years of nothing big turning into a something huge.

i put my heart at the edge of the pier.

and you stood me up.

and the sun set.

and the pier closed.

 

i’ve significantly compared you to the state of california before. my deepest apologies to california.

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One thought on “california dreaming

say it to my face, dude. (enter your comment below, i love all forms of feedback)

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