what do i blog about today? what do i say? i’m lost in my own translation and my words can’t seem to match my mindset. do i go deep and sentimental.. or do i stay light and humorous? do i teach a lesson or entertain?
i could tell you all about the time in tenth grade when i typed up a text about how good this boy looked and how i went out of my way to take the same staircase as he did just to see him everyday but i accidentally sent it to him because my brain was thinking about him so that’s the name i put in the “send” box and i never took those stairs again.
i can tell you about the jaw-dropping time that my family and i got to go to a superbowl 2004 meet-and-greet and i got tedy bruschi and willie mcginest and rodney harrison to sign my stuffed monkey and i was one of the few chillins’ that breathed the same air as bill belichick and he brushed by me and at age ten i confidently said, “hey coach,” like it was no biggie.
oh, i could describe in detail how i was at work at my high school job and it was a busy day and for some reason my stomach was turning a little bit but the co-worker i had a crush on didn’t know about that and jabbed the sides of my stomach in a flirty-way but i reacted by farting very loudly and him and twelve other people heard it and i just kept smiling through the mental pain and wiping the sweat off my forehead. my crush never jabbed my sides again. he never really talked to me again either.
i could possibly expand on how it felt when in seventh grade, i was a flyer for the middle-school cheerleading team but my teammates called me fat and heavy after practice that one day and they didn’t understand how i was possibly chosen to be a flyer and even though i kept my head held high, i was replaced by another girl and my coach told me “not to worry, i’ll grow into the weight.”
or maybe i could chat about the time that i wrote a song about my mother and put it to guitar chords and performed it as a surprise at open-mic night and i watched her cry a mix of sad-happy-proud tears and she even recorded it and put it on her Facebook and even though i was crazy embarrassed by the publicity, i knew she was happy.
i could tell you about my first kiss not happening until senior prom, or that one time i tried to flirt with a cop to get out of a speeding ticket, me calling an ambulance one time because i thought i was having a premature heart-attack at age 20 or when i met joe montana at a sports memorabilia convention, or the time a guy asked me for nudes so i sent him a picture of raw noodles instead and said “here’s some noods.”
i don’t know what to talk about today. i’ll try again tomorrow.
but let me for a second talk about how studly my two best guy friends are. i’m going to miss you goons so much.