what do i blog about today? what do i say? i’m lost in my own translation and my words can’t seem to match my mindset. do i go deep and sentimental.. or do i stay light and humorous? do i teach a lesson or entertain?

i could tell you all about the time in tenth grade when i typed up a text about how good this boy looked and how i went out of my way to take the same staircase as he did just to see him everyday but i accidentally sent it to him because my brain was thinking about him so that’s the name i put in the “send” box and i never took those stairs again.

i can tell you about the jaw-dropping time that my family and i got to go to a superbowl 2004 meet-and-greet and i got tedy bruschi and willie mcginest and rodney harrison to sign my stuffed monkey and i was one of the few chillins’ that breathed the same air as bill belichick and he brushed by me and at age ten i confidently said, “hey coach,” like it was no biggie.

oh, i could describe in detail how i was at work at my high school job and it was a busy day and for some reason my stomach was turning a little bit but the co-worker i had a crush on didn’t know about that and jabbed the sides of my stomach in a flirty-way but i reacted by farting very loudly and him and twelve other people heard it and i just kept smiling through the mental pain and wiping the sweat off my forehead. my crush never jabbed my sides again. he never really talked to me again either.

i could possibly expand on how it felt when in seventh grade, i was a flyer for the middle-school cheerleading team but my teammates called me fat and heavy after practice that one day and they didn’t understand how i was possibly chosen to be a flyer and even though i kept my head held high, i was replaced by another girl and my coach told me “not to worry, i’ll grow into the weight.”

or maybe i could chat about the time that i wrote a song about my mother and put it to guitar chords and performed it as a surprise at open-mic night and i watched her cry a mix of sad-happy-proud tears and she even recorded it and put it on her Facebook and even though i was crazy embarrassed by the publicity, i knew she was happy.

i could tell you about my first kiss not happening until senior prom, or that one time i tried to flirt with a cop to get out of a speeding ticket, me calling an ambulance one time because i thought i was having a premature heart-attack at age 20 or when i met joe montana at a sports memorabilia convention, or the time a guy asked me for nudes so i sent him a picture of raw noodles instead and said “here’s some noods.”

i don’t know what to talk about today. i’ll try again tomorrow.

but let me for a second talk about how studly my two best guy friends are. i’m going to miss you goons so much. 


One thought on “topical

  1. As you always do, make me smile, laugh and tear up all at the same time! Thank you for those memories, most of them I knew about…:) so not!

    Your favorite fan

    Bethany Lainhart


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