i’ve been looking for him everywhere.
i’ve longed for a man like him since i first began cognitively longing for a man.
a man who is intelligent and finds the answers to questions i am unsure of. and he is handy and knows how to fix the bike chain when it falls off. he never ignores a want or need and he knows everything that i am allergic to and would never bring fig newtons for dessert. he knows i do not care for flowers when he comes home because i think flowers are stupid but instead i want him to bring me a funny story. he knows my fears and would never use them against me. he is a man who has the perfect body and his muscles, although tired from the day’s tribulations, could still pick me up and hold me. he draws me bubble baths and lets me throw the bath bomb in because he knows how much i love watching the water change colors. he is a man who went through a lot of loss as a child and worked hard at part-time jobs and learned the value of a dollar and time with loved ones. he respects his mother, even when she lectures him at his age. he looks at me and tells me “you’re beautiful” and “you can change the world” and i believe him because of the repetition and the intent stare he provides. he finally learned the rap verses to the songs that only i like and he is proud to put the song on replay and show it off. he dresses how he wants to dress and he doesn’t listen to the opinions of people who don’t matter and he gives me three pillows to sleep with, two under my head and one to wrap my body around, and in the morning he opens his eyes and says, “don’t let your struggles weigh you down today, you can do this,” and he empowers me throughout the day to be a better me. and then he pours me coffee with a ton of sugary coffee-creamer and makes me dinner food for breakfast because that’s what i like.
he is the type of man that i thought i would never find.
i looked every where for him. i looked at school. and then i looked at the football game of my favorite team. and i looked at work. at church. the restaurant with the best bread and butter. the bar scene. i looked through a series of depressive time periods and bouts of unhappiness. and i even looked on my phone where you can swipe away people who have ugly beards or guns in their photos.
and i found him in the most peculiar of situations and in the most unexpected location of them all.
on a considerably bad day, beaten down by rigorous classes, a heavy shift at work, miscommunication with friends, lingering emotions and memories of the past, instilling more sadness occupied by the sensation of loneliness, i shuffled upstairs to throw myself onto my bed and sleep away the array of awfulness,
i found the person i had been longing for. so strong, so attractive, so wonderfully created. someone who had survived everything and never quit. a human being so tangible and terrific. a survivor. a fighter. a lover. was i blind? he had been there all along.
i found the love of my life in the mirror and we are very happy together.
“checkin’ yo reflection and tellin’ yo best friend ‘aye girl i think my butt is big…” -nelly