what is this?

sometimes it’s right when the morning hits my bones and  i wake up. sometimes it’s when i’m climbing out of my bed and i’m stuck somewhere between my nighttime trance and my first cup of coffee. sometimes it’s when i’m simply getting ready for the day, could be the rinsing of my face, the brushing of my teeth, the stroke of my makeup brush, the detangling of my hair, anything. sometimes it’s when i’m walking to my car and i see other people walking to their cars to start their day. sometimes it’s when i’m listening to my favorite songs even when i’m stuck in the uncomfortable and aggressive morning traffic. sometimes, it’s when i’m liberated from my last class of the day. sometimes it’s when my windows are down and my hair is slashing with fierceness and freedom all at the same time. sometimes it’s when i walk into my home and i’m greeted by my four-legged best friend and i take him out and he’s so happy to just be a dog. sometimes it’s when i look up while i’m on this walk and there are palm trees and sunshine and i realize that it’s february and i’m already wearing shorts. sometimes it’s when i’m making a healthy meal for myself and i down it without many water breaks and i’m hit with stomach-satisfaction. sometimes it’s when my friend tells me that she’s headed over or when she sends me a funny picture or when she confides in me and she never says i owe her anything and she makes me laugh at anything and she’s such a gift from God. sometimes it’s when i’m at a party and everyone is so overwhelmingly cool but they think the same thing about me ,so we are all dancing together and getting to know each other and it’s staggering feeling of friendship and i have just met them. sometimes it’s meeting a boy and he’s a challenge so I walked right up to him and asked him to kiss me and he did. sometimes it’s the feeling of seeing that boy walk into a room full of people but you’re his first and final stop. sometimes it’s when i’m saying my “goodbyes” to these people that want me to stay for another round of red-solo-cup-ping-pong but they understand that it’s three in the morning. sometimes it’s laying in bed and reiterating to myself everything i said to everyone that night and everyone’s names so i never forget… i never want to forget. sometimes it’s waking up with my health and getting another day to do all of these things again. it’s when i’m standing on the shore and letting the water slam into my legs and watching my feet sink deeper into the cold sand or in my favorite off-brand coffee shops where the barista with the septum piercing and the tattoo of an owl on his forearm hands me my cappuccino with some artistic lines in the milky-foam or walking to check the mail or seeing my roommate on campus and getting closer with her every single day or when i’m learning how all the streets connect or when i randomly see someone at the grocery story that i know or when i’m running the hills of this place and i’m sweating and gasping for air because i am less in-shape than i thought i was.

it’s this overcoming feeling of what i believe to be happiness. i’m feeling it. and it feels so good. 

 

…it comes from within…

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2 thoughts on “what is this?

  1. It’s always when my beautiful girl is happy…I’m happy. Thank you God for cradling my lil’CaliKarl, since you are the God of Beauty, Love and Compassion, please keep showing her the path of mercy and good deeds!

    All my love!

    Bethany Lainhart Bwaze48@gmail.com

    >

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