today: although i have not personally written in a long while, i have been quite alive.

rewinding the clock a little bit….

september 30: officially decided that it’s time to move back to california.

between these two dates, i prayed and prayed to the powerful God above to hear me and, if possible, in an earthly way, communicate with me. i prayed for guidance and serenity and a clear sign.

october 12: i moved out of my apartment due to a needy-subleaser ( although, i was just as needy to fill my place, so, i made it work). i owe so many thank you’s to my apartment complex for letting me sublease until the end of december in an entirely separate room. so, thank you, apartment complex. so much. without your flexibility and kindness, i would have been staying in a motel 8 (which was a real possibility that i considered).

God definitely answered my prayers with this sub-lease. after that oh-so stressful period of time, i was officially out of my lease and had the freedom to make my move back to california a real thing. 

october 18: i finally told my mother about my plans to move to the opposite coast (again).

my mother supports me in everything that i do. how did i get so lucky?

on october 28, i put in my two-weeks notice at work. i was fired two days later due to a very easy-to-fix situation. instead of correcting the incorrect, i guess it was easier for them to embarrass me and kick me out of the family that i had found comfort within at the workplace. whatever, i made do.

they could fire me but they could not steal my fire. 

october 31:  i went back into the gym where i was last seen being fired, crying and running out of the double-doors. i boldly asked my former boss to sign me up for a gym membership. wide-eyed and astonished, she signed me up and i remained strong during my workouts (pun definitely intended; partially because i had to use strength to lift weights, mostly because i had to find my own strength to deal with the stabbing stares of people who felt that i no longer belonged).

i smiled at the man who fired me whenever i saw him. i even conversed with the member who wrongly accused me and cost me my job. i always asked him how he was doing and if he had a good weekend. i treated everyone no differently than before. there’s a saying that you may be familiar with. it’s something like; kill them with kindness. 

november 12: i packed my bags and went home to texas for the thanksgiving break. what’s significant about this break is that when i returned to wilmington again, i would have a mere twelve days left in the place that i swore would be “home” for the next couple of years.

i knew my days in wilmington were coming to an end, so i picked up the pace on creating lasting memories and making impacts where possible.

december 4:  i hit the town, if you will. i had drinks and laughs and i was beside my best friend and i kissed boys and i danced and i had more laughs with more people and when i didn’t want to dance with someone i pointed at my best friend and said “that’s my girlfriend and she would not be cool with you dancing with me,” and we took pictures and we walked home and i fell asleep.

i knew i would miss all things wilmington. i would miss the gym, the starbucks on college road (where they finally learned my order), the grocery store with the fantastic “two-for-five-dollar” salad dressing, the late night make-outs with my neighbor, the walks to the mailbox with my dog where random people would call my dogs’ name and say “wow, he’s gotten so big” and the pizza-delivery guy who juggled before he gave me my pizza, the always-crowded dog park with my friend from school who’s dog was definitely crushin’ on my dog, my regal friend who left me stunned in a good way every single time we were together and the .78 miles between my apartment and my best friends’ apartment, and the time shared with my best friend. i’ll miss it all.

december 12:  i said my final farewells to wilmington, north carolina.

you know when you realize how good you had something but it’s too late? there’s that thing you should have told someone, or that boy you should have dated or that friend that you let down and now they are gone and you realize how good you had it? for me, that’s california, and i have this opportunity to do it over and i am seasoned for this.

today: i am entering the unknown future. i am taking yet another risk that many scoff at. i am doing exactly what i want for myself and for that, i am unashamed.


some photos from some great times in wilmington

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IMG_1278 IMG_2306 IMG_2313  IMG_1013

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One thought on “unashamed

  1. I enjoyed reading it all over again! You are an amazing child of mine! I pray God blesses you the way you deserve and to be protected and blessed.

    Love you!!!!

    Bethany Lainhart Bwaze48@gmail.com


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